Blogger, Thanks For The Good Times

Hey folks. I have transported myself to Wordpress at marsiam.com. That's right, MarsIAm. It's been real, and it's been fun... anyway, I transported all my old posts so you can still enjoy the best of Musings on Mars at my new site.

See ya on the flip side,
M

Atherton Police Blotter Highlights

Lilac Lane, 7:23 a.m.: A resident called police to report a suspicious-looking red compact car parked at the end of ilac Lane. Police responded and found that the car was filled with construction workers waiting to start a job.

Greenoaks Drive and James Avenue, 10:41 a.m.: A resident reported a suspicious-looking man with a beard and wearing khaki. Police were unable to locate the man. Police were unable to locate the man.

Greenoaks Drive, 2:54 p.m.: An elderly man fainted.

Walnut Avenue, 5:45 p.m.: A resident reported barking dogs. Police responded, but found that the report was unfounded.

No Location, 8:41 p.m.: A resident reported that a man came to their door claiming to have been short by four to five people driving a grey Honda. Police responded and confirmed that the man has been shot by someone with a paintball gun.

What Have We Been Sleeping On?

1. Associates Degree in Business Management vs Accounting
2. Hairbrush to simulate porcupine (childhood pet)
3. Moving out of basement
4. Textbooks (for osmosis purposes)
5. Shame for murdering, chopping, hiding tax collector in wall
6. California King Sealy Posturpedic (dual controls for heating blanket)
7. Digital cable
   
8. East side of bed - proper feng shui
   
9. Sex with Meatloaf vs Normal life
10. GM purchase

I'm Gonna Have You Naked By The End Of This Post

Top Ten Worst Songs To Have Sex During
Two Part Answers
Reasons pertain to musicality and content

1. Raffi - Baby Baluga
A Children's music: standard no-no for listening, let alone love making
B Raises topic of babies

2. Queen - We Are The Champions
A May be interpreted as overcompensation for personal inadequacy
B Too slow

3. Spooky Sounds For Halloween
A Why is the only music you own a seasonal tape you bought at Kmart?
B Erratic noises distracting

4. N.W.A. - F*** tha Police
A Too angry
B Too eighties

5. Blue Danube Waltz
A Too bright and energetic
B Can you fuck in 3/4? No? Okay then

6. Star Wars Theme
A Too loud
B Too nerdy

7. U of M Marching Band - Let's Go Band
See number 6

8. A**l C**t - Technology Is Gay
A Band, song title make people uncomfortable
B Lots of screaming and crashing

9. Carole King - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?
A May bring unplesant conversation to light
B Waaay too slow

10. Pulp Fiction Soundtrack - Royale With Cheese
A Actually I take it back
B Samuel Jackson is the pansexual for those of us with discriminating taste.

Should I Be Insulted?

Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery...

So Happy Together Now That She's Not There

She's Not There
Happy Together

Structural Similarities:
1. The first two lines of the verse are front heavy: the second part of the line only has 2-4 syllables

Well no one told me about her the way she lied [4]
Well no one told me about her how many people cried[4]
But it's too late to say you're sorry
How would I know why should I care
Please don't bother tryin' to find her
She's not there

Imagine me and you I do [2]
I think about you day and night
It's only right [4]
To think about the girl you love
And hold her tight
So happy together

2. Verse ends with the name of the song

Well no one told me about her the way she lied
Well no one told me about her how many people cried
But it's too late to say you're sorry
How would I know why should I care
Please don't bother tryin' to find her
She's not there

If I should call you up invest a dime
And you say you belong to me
And ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be
So very fine
So happy together

3. Short chorus with only one rhyming line

Well let me tell you 'bout the way she looked
The way she'd act and the colour of her hair
Her voice was soft and cool
Her eyes were clear and bright
But she's not there

I can see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life

4.  Certain lines repeated twice within each verse/chorus

Well no one told me about her, what could I do
Well no one told me about her, though they all knew
But it's too late to say you're sorry
How would I know, why should I care
Please don't bother tryin' to find her
She's not there

I can see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life

5.  Verses repeated towards end of song

But it's too late to say you're sorry 
How would I know, why should I care 
Please don't bother tryin' to find her 
She's not there

Well let me tell you 'bout the way she looked 
The way she'd act and the colour of her hair 
Her voice was soft and cool 
Her eyes were clear and bright 
But she's not there

But it's too late to say you're sorry 
How would I know, why should I care 
Please don't bother tryin' to find her 
She's not there

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice 
It had to be
The only one for me is you
And you for me
So happy together

I can see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice 
It had to be
The only one for me is you
And you for me
So happy together

Pieces of Advice

If I could give just one piece of advice to young people, it would be this:

You are surrounded by mostly insecure, confused, idiotic other young people - day in, day out. These people have the quintissential problem that teenagers face: trying to learn and decide who they are. In the process, there are a lot of jerks who are going to tear you down just for a measly drop of self-respect. Don't let anybody make you feel bad about yourself. Someday, when you are older and smarter and figure it out a little better, it won't matter what any of these people said or did. You just need to hang in there, and things are going to get better, I promise.

If I could give a second piece of advice, it would be:

If you decide a good way to make extra money during the summers would be to mow lawns, and you borrow someone's mower and accidentally hit a sprinkler head, destroying both the mower and the sprinkler system, you should tell both parties involved that a squirrel darte d out and you swerved to save its life, and probably nobody will believe you but they won't be able to prove it so they won't be justified in charging you money or being too pissed off about it.

Top Reasons For Moving

1. No TiVo; long commute requires taping of rare 'Simpsons' reruns
2. No privacy; Mom needs to do laundry in basement/my room.
3. Neighbors finally created password for wireless signal.
   
4. Bingo Night moved to Rec Center across town.
5. Sick of neighbor's naked early morning Taiji.
6. Installing eight lane highway through backyard.
7. Cat allergic to local fauna.
   
8. Boyfriend has had [wrong] idea that marriage is in the [near] future for past 5 years.
   
9. Concern that Publisher's Clearing House is unfamiliar with neighborhood.
   
10. Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding [increasingly loud rattling] vvvvvrrrrrRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOORRRRRRROOOOOMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmm Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding - gets annoying